9/19

As I have went through metabolic changes over the last went week and a 1/2 since receiving my “new to me liver” changes” I have noticed some odd differences and it’s really so strange… My sense of smell is much different. I feel like my scent of my natural body odor is so different. I can explain it…. But I can feel/taste it. It’s just kind of surreall. I was having my lidocaine patch put on my spine today by my nurse and that was different also tonight just by the way it was placed on me. I rolled over after and literally turned my head to my nurse and said “you have had back pain before and I can tell just by the way it was put on.” The only other person that has put a patch on me that did it naturally just like that is my brother Nick who has suffered from back pain for the past 20 years after a car accident. My injury was easily obtained by moving buckets last year at this time. I took a week off work which is so unlike me but went back afterwards without following up with anything because well “I can handle this… and just kept going. Meanwhile it was unable to heal as my stomach started having swelling (unnoticeable at first) in my abdomen and pulling on my back tendons and muscles. It is a gnawing, sharp and nauseating pain right smack in the middle of my back which over a few months time led me to having to go home from work in 10/10 pain and tears in my eyes so many times. I began getting tears in my eyes etc, and “never complain” “just keep going it will go away and I can do this” attitude…. That didn’t pan out obviously… but it’s also hard as a single widowed mother trying to care for her kids who are also all in different states of life at 25, 19 & 14…. And trying to be there for as many moments as I could for them”. Sometimes people have said to me that I post too much but I don’t care…. It’s honestly only the tip of the iceberg of my life and I’m trying to preserve and share whatever memories I can. I’m the only one showing up for them… and I believe that’s what everyone in life needs…. Someone who shows up like that. Of course my dad has tried to be there for the moments… but he’s only one person. I once wrote a eulogy for someone who was special to me and it was literally based on “how he always showed up” and I was really touched by him. I will add the link below :

I am reminded again during this time in my life how important showing up is. And this community has been doing that for me throughout this. So thank you everyone for being there and for showing up and for helping me to stay financially stable enough to do so recently. I’m still in the hospital until at least Sunday. I cannot wait to be reunited at home again with Brandon and “my fur people.” I miss them all so much. More to come!

https://www.elcollinsfuneralhome.com/obituaries/Clarence-C-Monger-Sr?obId=22262017